the last post

One week ago yesterday I landed in Denver. My uncle dick picked me up from the aiport and dropped me off at my apartment in Broomfield. I was expecting a key under the doormat, but it wasn't there, so I got one from the leasing office. It turned out to be the wrong key, and I had to go back again.

The first thing I did was take a shower (using SOAP and conditioner this time - luxurious!) and change clothes. I never thought clean clothes could feel so decadent. Then the real fun began...

While in South America, I learned a great deal about myself. One big thing I learned is that I need to continue being independent and making choices motivated by one thing: ME. Unfortunately, that meant ending a nearly 3 year relationship with my boyfriend Jeff. Jeff was (is) my best friend, so I felt I owed it to him to let him know of my decision as soon as I was sure of it. And so that happened to be from a pay phone in a cafe in Puerto Natales; the day I got back from the Torres Del Paine Circuit.

Jeff wasn't shocked. Jeff was hurt. I was hurt. But the distance between us shielded my heart for my final week in Chile. When I came home, and Jeff met me at the apartment after a shower and costume change, the reality of my decision to be single confronted me. Over the next couple of days, Jeff and I grieved the death of our relationship. Our close friendship got us through it, but the pain was inescapable.

That night I drove to Denver and signed a lease for my new apartment - a 400 square foot studio in the Capitol Hill neighborhood...11th and Ogden. With no furniture, just the pack I'd been carrying for the past 6 weeks, I decided it was best to spend the night, and slept in my sleeping bag. Lonely, but proud that I had done the right thing. For me and Jeff. Jeff deserves someone who is ready for a relationship. Who can commit to him. He is better off without me.

And so a tough weekend ensued - moving my stuff into my new place, trying to figure out where Jeff and I stood as friends, now that we were no longer a couple, getting used to being alone, and gearing up for a return to work, where I'd be expected to work 10 hour days through the holidays (well, at least I get to go home 12/22 to 12/28 for xmas).

So, a week later, I am doing OK. Being alone was as frightening as I thought it was. But I'm learning to cope. I'm adapting. Things I learned I was capable of in South America. I'm finding myself. It is exciting. I'm afraid of losing momentum. I felt empowered and energetic upon landing, but I see the potential for the to all disappear unless I keep challenging myself and looking for the next bext thing; the next great hurdle.

I will continue documenting stuff (aka my life) on www.wallsaredoors.blogspot.com. If you feel so inclined to follow me ;) Here's a little incentive to check out my other blog - I will be writing about an idea I have to help the strays of Chile - an issue which really moved me upon arriving, and continues to move me now. It's called Street Dogs of Chile...I'll be writing about it soon.

Thanks for listening,
L